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Docmaverick
United States
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Submitted by docmaverick on 4 September 2007 - 9:07am.| Updated 11 May 2008 - 6:06pm.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
We sit with the angels
before we are born,
and mend all the butterfly wings
that are torn.
We line them up carefully
on a large dish,
and send them back as “earth angels”
so on them we can wish.
I was granted one wish
while I was up there,
so I wished for a mother
who would love me and care.
For wishes made on butterflies
always come true,
I know this is so…
..’cause I wished for you!
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(2 votes)
Apart from the ,,,cause (I
Apart from the ,,,cause (I felt you should have kept it because - to abbreviate seems unnecessary to me) this is great. Smooth flow great imagination and beautiful sentiments expressed here - I like the title ‘Butterfly Wishes’ it works really well here.
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Mom's birthday...
….is September 22nd, and this was written for her. I’m so happy that you enjoyed it, and grateful that you took the time to share your thoughts with me. You too, are now a “diamond” in my eye.
{:>)
Doc.