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Docmaverick
United States
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Submitted by docmaverick on 4 September 2007 - 8:19am.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
In my quest for the Highest Mountain
I’ve endured the Valley of Tears,
I’ve spent some time in the Meadow
but in that Valley, it seemed like years.
The Canyon of Pain was excrutiating
and the water was bitter to drink,
but the experience was quite invaluable
and more important than you’d think.
The Wind has been my companion
whenever warm or bitter cold,
the Fading Trails seemed all uphill
and the Grade’s made me feel old.
Yet I have perservered,
I’ve climbed to my Highest Tree,
I don’t begrudge the Journey
for the Journey has made me…..Me.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(1 vote)
to be frank, it's been said before, and better
still the message is clear, poignant and true as ever.
Loved the lines
“The Wind has been my companion
whenever warm or bitter cold,”
the stretching for rhyme spoils this a bit for me.
Probably works better in music where such contrivances are freely forgiven.
You are a muso, is any of your music online that I could listen to?
cheers,
Jess
I believe you've been kind...
..whenever evaluating my work; (or should I say “play”?). I know that you make a point of trying to read a bit of everyone’s poetry, so I must add that I’m very flattered that you’ve commented on so many of my pieces. I also understand that my “sing-songy” style and approach to poetry frazzles you a bit, and yet you still take the time to honestly critique my poems. I thank you for this…also for even comparing this piece to another work, which you obviously hold in higher regard. Alas, to answer your question…I have no examples of my music on the internet, so you’ll just have to leave the comforts of Sydney, Australia and come hear the Maverick Bros. at Salton Sea, California-which is our next “gig”. I DO have some lyrics I could post for your perusal, however. Read my song, “Rewind”.
Thanks again for the keen insight,
Doc.
P.S. Notice that I found the perfect picture? A “dock”.