Love's Prisoner | Neopoet.com

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Wafi

South Asia,
OTHER

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Well Wafi my friend..

This one I enjoyed until the simile turned me the reader into an infant. Sorry old boy but I love like a man and only with a man’s heart. Women aren’t my mother. So four stars for the urgency and the unfolding simile and metaphor but deduct one star for the ridiculous Freudian bad taste.

Submitted by Wafi on 9 October 2009 - 12:45pm.

Thank A Lot Kali,

Thanks a lot Kali, my friend, for reading and commenting. Lol, sorry for the bad taste and turning you into an infant. I am trying to say that my love for her is not fully grown,(that is an infant, not me). And the more she loves me, the more it grows stronger and vice-versa…
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts about it with me.
Between, my friends, to whom I read this poem, were laughing at the last lines ;)May think to play with it, though.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Kaligantsaros on 9 October 2009 - 12:59pm.

We all have this problem..

The internet has brought all our localised bad taste , double meanings and local tasteless expressions into each others living rooms. How you express one thing is not the way I do etc. As a result until we work out a cyber -language all of its own we will be prey to inflicted someone somewhere with a rotten simile , a tired metaphor or a tasteless accidental double meaning. Unfortunately we are well away from this as yet so my English will not be your English and my Pashtoon will definitely not be your Pashtoon As we have seen over the past three weeks or so quite a few sexual innuendos and suggestions have made them onto poems here and it has caused much mirth and sniggering when explained but another aspect is the vast cultural differences between us all , so when for example you state as a above your desires in such terms , I read them through years of education and behind the palm British bad taste!!!. Glad you laughed though i am in a bit of a mood with the world.
Cheers old boy.
#Kali

Submitted by Candlewitch on 9 October 2009 - 1:41pm.

Wafi Dear

I think the poem is brilliant and beautiful. I love the metaphors, after all, love does imprison us, mostly in a gentle way. I’m sorry but I cannot pick favorite lines, as they are all wonderful (except for the last line. You could lose that line and it is my opinion that it would make a stronger ending without it.)
I like your title but think a better one could be found, Maybe “Love’s Prisoner.” I enjoyed the structure and language usage. I liked the pacing. And the theme… I like love, love poems (shhhh! don’t tell anyone!) but only ones shown in a new light, and I like yours.

Always, Cat

Submitted by Wafi on 9 October 2009 - 1:46pm.

Thanks A Lot Cat

Thanks a lot Cat, for reading and commenting. Really appreciate your thoughts. So glad you liked it. Have made some changes, hope it’s fine now?

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Seren on 9 October 2009 - 1:02pm.

Dearest Wafi

I loved this freudian slip lol its wonderful to have a young flourishing love … and where is it said ? that love has to be one thing to all people … love is all things to everyone … well done :) LOL I look forward to see what you come up with for those last lines lol

love and hugs Jayne x x x

Submitted by Wafi on 9 October 2009 - 1:49pm.

Thanks A Lot Jayne,

Thanks a lot Jayne, my friend, for reading and commening. Loved your lovely comment. So glad you enjoyed it.

Hugs,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Candlewitch on 9 October 2009 - 1:45pm.

=0

Much, much better and I love the new ending.

Always, Cat

Submitted by Wafi on 9 October 2009 - 1:53pm.

Thank You Cat

Thank you Cat, for the reread. Glad :)

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by seabhac on 9 October 2009 - 4:42pm.

Like it on the second read

Read it first earlier and had loved it till the old last section …came back for another look and was delighted with the change…it really rounds the whole poem up to the level of the first portion

My words are too small…
My promises– too weak…
Trust not any of them!

Cage me…

Cage me
In the cage of your arms…

Enslave me!

Tie my heart
With the threads
Of your breaths…

fresh new look at a common subject ( if Love can ever be called common)
Glad you changed it . Definatly 5 star

Submitted by Wafi on 10 October 2009 - 1:19am.

So Glad

So glad you read and commented on it. Thanks a lot for the appreciation. My pleausre you liked it. Glad it is better now.
Looking forward to reading your work.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Rett on 9 October 2009 - 5:52pm.

Wafi my friend

I enjoyed the poem to the very end. I do have one suggestion in the last stanza.

Least, it,
Like my small words
And weak promises,
Die…

You used “least” as in smallest where I think you meant “lest” as in unless. Other than that I enjoyed it a lot. My best to you and your family.
Respectfully,
Rett:
“Telling me Illegal Immigrants have a right to be here is like saying the burglar that breaks into your home, now has the right to live there with you.” Rett

Submitted by Wafi on 10 October 2009 - 1:26am.

Hi Rett, My Dear Friend

Hi Rett, my dear friend, how are you doing? Has been a long time, haven’t read much of your work, must check it out. Thanks a lot friend for reading and commenting, specially for the “least>>lest”. My spellings really are not doing well.
So glad you enjoyed it…

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Rett on 10 October 2009 - 9:17am.

Hey Wafi

For probably most of us, English is our onluy language and we have trouble spelling. *LOL* My best to all.
Respectfully,
Rett:
“Telling me Illegal Immigrants have a right to be here is like saying the burglar that breaks into your home, now has the right to live there with you.” Rett

Submitted by lyz on 9 October 2009 - 9:50pm.

Dear Wafi

Excellent write, as usual, and I enjoyed it.The title, Loves Prisoner, instead of the o, an e. Lovely to see you and your beautiful writes back on the page, looking forward to reading more of your poems.
Love Lyz. XX

Submitted by Wafi on 10 October 2009 - 1:30am.

Thanks A Lot, Lyz

Thanks a lot, Lyz, for reading and commenting. Thanks for the “e” of the prisoner ;). So glad you liked it.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Seren on 11 October 2009 - 7:22am.

Just leaving my mark Wafi

Just leaving my mark Wafi … this is just beautiful had to come read it again … and love the ending :)

Love and hugz Jayne

Submitted by Wafi on 12 October 2009 - 3:03am.

Thank You Jayne

Thank you Jayne, for the reread. Appreciate your thoughts a lot.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by Wafi on 12 October 2009 - 3:06am.

So Glad To See You Janice

So glad to see you Janice. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment.
Thanks for your generous appreciation. Appreciate your loving thoughts.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by weesh on 12 October 2009 - 4:39am.

wafi u r briliant on the

wafi u r briliant on the first time ven i read it i cant understand than i read it again and again i am marking u 7 starrrrrrrrrrrrrr

cause the way u express the Love (hmmmmmmmm iam loving it)…..

Submitted by Wafi on 12 October 2009 - 5:23am.

Hey Weesh

Is that you Obaid? I guess you are.
Thrilled to see you read it and yeah thanks for the comment. I didn’t think you will join neopoet.
Well welcome, my dearest friend. I hope you will enjoy the poetry of all the great poets here. Keep reading the great work of the poets here, and do comment on it if you like it. You can share the work of your favorite poets with others and if ever try any poetry then do share it with us. I am sure you will be appreciated and learn many new things, as I did in the company of my loving neopoet friends :)

Hugs,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by hippiepoet69 on 11 February 2010 - 9:41am.

Thumbs up

I don’t use stars. I really like your work. It brought me emotion as I read it. That is my measure of a good or great poem. I’ll add you as a friend but I don’t know when I’ll get around to reading more of your work. Take care my friend. huey

Submitted by Wafi on 12 February 2010 - 1:20am.

Thank You Dear Friend

Thank you so much dear friend, for reading and commenting. I appreciate your thoughts a lot. Looking forward to reading your work.

Sincerely,
Wafi

“Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!” ~Afzal Shauq~

Submitted by mona on 13 May 2010 - 5:18am.

If somebody looking for love

If somebody looking for love ,,,he/she will find it in this poem.

Submitted by hippiepoet69 on 13 May 2010 - 2:58pm.

Really enjoyed it

my favorite line was
nourished by other’s love
because most often our love is shaped by past love. Both good and bad. All has helped vshape who I am now. And how much of me I will risk. Take Care. huey

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