Neopoet.com

What sad stories you weave here for us dear Papi,
I hesitate to correct any wrong notes in your song;
as to do so would change something brittle and delicate
of what you mean to say, a if the words have their own
grammatical assurance, their own breath, that of your
countries people and their nature, their habitat and their
pains at the hands of injustices.

You paint the picture well and we see it clearly, would that it
were not so, when will man learn to understand other men;
and not cling to strange distorted creeds of aggression
and violence?

Well said Papi, with love from Ann

“Grass and roots are dead and burned”…….I suggest wizened instead of dead, to avoid taking the power from the next ………………………………………………………….line’s word dead.

“now all calls out tears of resent”…………..now all pour out , or if you want to call tears drop the S
resentment would be the right word here.

“Godknows” separate?
” He can say and do!”…OR do?

Good stuff dear Papi, this reads so well now.
Still perhaps some indoisuchracies, but they
can be allowed I think, you have doe well hear
its heart-rending, but well put.

Love from your friend Ann

Excellent poem, hard reality;
there is so much of that
over the Earth, and we can
scarcely come to grips to tell
the exact words of consolation.
Something within the
human race may be dying, but
from a different malady of which
it has no inkling whatsoever.

Sincerely,

Hugo

What a sad, beautiful image you create. you are a true talent.

love, greeneyes