www.neopoet.com/your-name-here? — get your space on the web — Register Free
Submitted by paparazii on 21 August 2009 - 9:39am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Heaven is bliss and peace
So cosy and soothing
the atmosphere of a child
sleeping face, by a tenders
eye
Heaven is bliss and golden
the shinning rays of morning
from a goodness sun or
tropical dew, dropping from
a high leaf to the lowest
Heaven is bliss, too kind
it nourishes and penetrate
the nucleas of a saving soul
restoring a crippled peace
Heaven is bliss and wise
Has mystrey and uncountable deeds
It inspired and conceived
many -many famous legends
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
»
- Login or register to post comments
- PDF version
For the goddess sun"( who's to say it isn't a she!!!!)
“the atmosphere of a child”….add an…. ‘s……to child
“sleeping face, by a tenders………….drops the s”
“the shinning rays of morning”………shining
“from a goodness sun or”…………….Slightly odd-“for the goddess sun”( who’s to say it isn’t a she!!!!)
“it nourishes and penetrate”…………..add s
“Heaven is bliss and wise”………………………..comma after biliss , for impact
THEN It is so beautiful, beautiful you spinner of thoughts
so particular and surprising, you stir the magic potions
that poetry inspires.
My Ephriam, my Papi, my good friend with my love Ann