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Purplemoondoll

purplemoondoll's picture
Advocate Volunteer
East Anglia,
United Kingdom

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Our tale’s unwritten, missed potential
Greets the dawn and fades away
A contradiction caught in silence
‘Will they, wont they?’ - let it play.

We kiss the stars and felt them tremble
Touching twilight, let it dance
So many games now lost in stalemate
‘Will they, won’t they?’ – just a chance.

Trust and friendship, mixed with laughter
Soul mates now and ever more
As for passion, well I wonder
‘Will they won’t they?’ - are you sure?

Chasing rainbows, false perception
Mar the journey on to bliss.
We are too wrapped in imperfection
‘Will they, wont they?’ – did we miss?
 
Trouble is we’ve been and done it
Oh so many times before.
I could love you, then it falters
Will they won’t they?’ – where’s the door?
 
So here’s the challenge, if you’ll take it
Grab a pen and let it scrawl.
I’m sick of chasing shattered rainbows
‘Will they, won’t they?’ - it’s your call.

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Inspired by a less than perfect relationship - written last year and tweaked to improved the flow a little. Any suggestions/comments are very welcome!
4.6
Average: 4.6 (5 votes)
Submitted by mark on 11 August 2007 - 3:16am.
mark's picture

I drove under a rainbow today

it was quite nice. I don’t think I ever saw one as wide as it was. Caps on the first letter makes this poetry even more pretty. This is really beautiful Doll!

Submitted by SLoEDdie on 19 August 2007 - 10:42pm.
SLoEDdie's picture

i love question poetry

enjoyed reading this piece it was great. you have great flow and choice of words in all your poems, maybe you could teach me some day :)

Submitted by mark on 20 August 2007 - 8:11pm.
mark's picture

Second time

I like this even better if that is even possible - just so cool doll.
Mark

Submitted by SAKKTHEE RAVICH... on 21 August 2007 - 12:27am.
SAKKTHEE RAVICHANDRAN's picture

Exellent wordings and enjoyable peace

kaz you have proved your excellence in this poem
it is truly enjoyable and nice wording strong
and good to read

Submitted by Rapsalot on 1 November 2007 - 3:37pm.

Soul mate dairy

Wow like you have a soulmate. My soulmate is yet to be picked out. Because my last soulmate, supposedly we’re soulmates, is a total prick and he turned into a pediphile.

You write with a certain style that flows, keep writing.

Rapsalot

Submitted by IKnowNoBox on 1 November 2007 - 3:45pm.
IKnowNoBox's picture

Will they,Wont they?

What a question…What a question for many things.

In ink,
Dabbler

Submitted by barbsdad2003 on 11 June 2008 - 5:33pm.
barbsdad2003's picture

My answer?

Prob’ly won’t.

Thanx,
Not-a-Cynic Chuck

PS: You express here something so universal in the experiences of individuals of humankind …

Well said. Well put.

Submitted by purplemoondoll on 11 June 2008 - 5:58pm.
purplemoondoll's picture

lol thanks Chuck! Spot on -

lol thanks Chuck! Spot on - and I am really glad we did’t continue the game, agreeing to stay friends and not blur the edges - enough said! He read this just before Christmas - heh heh and smiled. This is exactly how it was for twenty five years on both sides - lol I guess we finally sorted it out:-)

Kaz

It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Submitted by RSScheerer on 11 June 2008 - 9:05pm.
RSScheerer's picture

Kaz

Sounds like quite the emotional tug-o-war for a while there!

The flow is smooth from beginning to end here. Your tweaking worked!

Best,
Ronda

p.s. Congratulations on Evolution!

Submitted by Janice Pearce on 12 June 2008 - 5:24am.
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Kaz

Your thoughts here on paper flow well and tell a beautiful story even if things didn’t work out, [maybee to your bebefit] this was nicelt written~