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Submitted by HDGoodman on 6 August 2007 - 8:01pm.| Updated 6 August 2007 - 9:04pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
yeah, yeah,
you’re over there.
pounding her,
fucking her,
a sweetstrong girl,
who i used to be in love with.
all the while she was my best friend.
but she had to leave
to make spinning cirlce marks
on the stages of switzerland. french quarter.
and your cock
and your frontman hair
led you over there. to europe: london.
she’s just a train ride away;
a gold mind
and a personality that pulls through
that just so happens to have a cunt.
a cunt all the same, to you.
but i suppose you’re not to blame,
for good looks
tight jeans
and your unashameability of being probably
the most outright wanker i have ever met.
you’re just a product,
of image,
and of the fact that we’re all lost.
you’re just not so good at hiding it.
i just wrote this one into the submit box straight off my head. should i do that more often? this is hughes/plath type relationship writing i guess.
(3 votes)
This is a poem for the
This is a poem for the books, I’m sure. This poem is very up front and well spoken. I personally wouldn’t want it any other way, the title could use a little work. I like how you dove right in there and put it out there like it wasn’t nothing! I liked it! The fifth stanza well I think you nailed that one right on the head ! Did you mean to say gold mind or gold(mine)?
Brittany Rae
cheers B.R!
yeah this is a situation in my life where i just have to say it like it is, and use swear words. i’ll keep going on the title!
HD
damn brother, I think any man over the age of 20 could relate to this fine piece of raw filfth! (and I mean that in the most positive way) Absolutely, coldly intense beyond haunting. I’ve been you, I know the girl, and I know the guy here. Chills down my spine, man.
Mark
Ha Ha!
thanks mark!
Jeez Harry,
I nearly threw up with the feelings this kicked up for me. Yeah, been there. Bloody fine courageous work.
“Gold mind” is an excellent image and play on words, can’t believe I’ve never seen it before.
Yes you should write straight to submit more often, it will be great to see any edits you might make. I wrote “Why I am not a poet” straight to submit and have already made a few changes.
Not entirely sure about the ending. I keep vacillating around whether I like it or not.
cheers,
Jess