I tolerated the feeling of the oxygen in my breast being forced out, leaving my soft yet raw lungs coming into full contact with each other whilst simultainiously being crushed against my rib cage and spine. It was a peculiar sensation that felt like dark spaces closing in and impending claustrophobia, yet one I craved because I knew it not well.
I had thoughts of psychiatrists, concentual claustrophobia and mild suicidal tendencies, and then realised my present self acclaimed introverted state, as I gently, albeit forcefully, broke the bathwater’s surface tension and a microscopic film of silky scum masked my face. Completely against my free will I found myself endeavouring to rationally analyse my own emotions and state in the course of my ever-changing self- obsessed nature.
No analyst will ever be able to adequately observe and recreate the folly of the seasonally shifting sands of the human mind. In particular the autumn. Green leaves rise to yellow, but fade and grow red after incessant landings and pickings at by sparrows and less friendly minor birds. Such thrashings no tree could take. Except for the evergreens, they are fake. Special fertilisers, religion, anti-depressants and true love mame their roots. To the lifeless colour of brown turn leaves who do not lie, then snapping and floating, gliding, dancing on air to the soft soil below; to join others just like them, and rest finally free of the tension of ever-changing winds, that seem to be pushing and pulling whole trees and universes.
I was soon standing in front of a blurred pattern of colours that was my self. I wiped condensation from the glass slate before me, in an attempt to remove the clouded uncertain view I have of myself. Momentarily, I looked into my own eyes, then I turned and realised the blur; it is the only time we truly see ourselves. Like a piece of cubist art, more than one face of us is displayed at a time, but only for one nanosecond. We see all at once, but only an abstract being that we cannot decipher, and probably never will be able to.
Submitted by HDGoodman on 12 July 2007 - 7:12pm.
