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Submitted by T. Reflexion on 23 July 2008 - 8:31am.
Style / Type:
freeform
IF I MAY ASK
Out there
In the fields
When farmer’s hoe
Labors into harvest
Which roots were separated from the seeds?
Out there
In the seas
Where fish and man commune
In boiling pots for excrement
What conferences of eating mouths?
Out there
In life
Here and far beyond
When breathing nostrils stop.
What have we left to show that men were once here?
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
this was good
Smiles:)
Barbara
I enjoyed reading this, but stanza 2 kinda puzzled me. where man and fish commune in boiling pot of excrement?
don’t think i wanna be there.
intriguing poem.
I'm having some trouble with this one.
I don’t quite understand the question in stanza two. Maybe, it is a language barrier for me. I wonder if stanza 3 might read a little better if it were more consistent with the first two, e.g.,
Out there
In the beyond
Where human breath
does not exist
I really like the expansion of space you’ve depicted by moving from the field, to the sea, to the beyond. It reminds me of expanding ripples in a pool.
The first stanza is wonderful. I think it could stand alone. Although, should the last line be in the future? When the farmer’s hoe labors, which roots WILL BE separated from the seeds, maybe?
Out There
Barbara,
Thank you for the reading. It reflects a cycle where a fisherman stayed for days in turbulent sea. He caught a fish, cooked and ate it to survive. Later on, he passed the excrement into the sea, another fish rushed in and took it for a meal. You can see the conference of mouths. Not funny.
Arrow,
Thanks you for the observations. I will change ‘were’ to ‘will be’ . ‘Out there’ seems a litte lopsided if we look at this incarnation alone without our spiritual dimensions as totality of ‘life’ for a traveller who started somewhere and is heading somewhere. Your point is noted. I will look at it again, may be I did not quite capture what I want to say. You observation has made me to see a new perspective. Thanks