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Submitted by GreenBean on 12 June 2008 - 6:12pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
FIVE AND DIME MAN
Through the store-front window,
a bent spectre,
sits in his seat…
same as yesterday,
and the day before.
Scarcely separate
from the glass reflection
of life outside.
He is incognizant.
Crooked fingers feel
the folded reality
of “Today’s Times.”
Always absorbed
in others’ views
someone’s blues,
everyone’s news.
Spent…his hands tremble.
I take notes
as he performs his eulogy.
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(3 votes)
Great poem!
I get the feeling that this poem was written from observation, which is very keen. The loneliness in this man’s life is tangible through your words. Such sad images colored in black and white.
Nicely written - welcome to the site!
Best,
Ronda
I agree,
There is nothing I could say that Ronda has not said.
She tends to be correct most of the time, as you will see.
Welcome friend,
Mark
Mark gives me far too much
Mark gives me far too much credit! I’m sure many a poet would love to tell me to mind my own damned business! :)
I truly appreciate the vote of confidence, though, Mark.
Looking forward to more work from you, GB. This was a pleasure to stumble across as my first reading of your work.
Best,
Ronda
ok...ok
There has been a time or two I would have loved to tell you that, If only I knew how to prove you wrong.
Maybe it’s that sexy “shut the fu*k up ” pic that renders a usually vocal man, speechless. lol…
Your friend,
Mark
yes!
So much poetry is written, you bring a new voice,
cheers,
Jess
Thank you all so much for
Thank you all so much for your comments here.
I appologize for not getting back sooner.
I’ve been leaving my thank-you’s in the wrong place.
So thanks Ronda, Mark and Jess.
Appreciate you taking the time to read.
:) Kim (GreenBean)