Come for a walk with me
along this almost endless beach.
Close your eyes and walk.
Trust me,
I won’t let you step
on anything sharp or unpleasant.
I won’t let you falter or fall.
I don’t need to guide you,
the sand getting wetter or drier underfoot
gives you your direction.
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
you feel the urge to open your eyes with each step
resist
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
now look at your eyelids
you’ll see formless shapes
and colours
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
let the shapes and colours form
don’t push it
just let it
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
slowly shape and form
resolve to recognition
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
just observe
these movies projected
on your eyelids
just walk
just relax
breathing steady
and one day
if you really trust me
tell me what you see.
Your Write
Elf,
I am a big fan of your work. however that being said…for a meditation piece it works fine. But it sounds soft and limpid.
I realize that we all have different voices we write to in our heads. I have grown used to your more “Strident” voice. It is a good piece. just sort of expecting sugar in my tea spoon only to find out I got salt instead.
Cheers Mate!
-David
Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB
8) don't you mean expecting salt
and getting sugar instead?
Rather than post truly great poets that might intimidate while teaching I chose to post a way into your own head.
it’s not really a poem, it’s advice. and it’s scary but it works.
cheers,
Jess
yeah, sugar
no, sugar is sex… think more like splenda, lol!
Jess:
Nice work! though a little editor’s fine-tuning would help. I like this so far the best of all your pieces.
Thanx,
Chuck
more information on fine tuning please
I carefully constructed the punctuation in this piece, what do you suggest?
cheers,
Jess
Well, for One Example:
The first stanza contains a run-on sentence.
Yours,
Chuckles
What you See
Very good poem . Very interesting .I liked this a
hell of a lot. pinksheep
What you see
If I could have closed my eyes and read this, it might have come close to that walk along the beach. As it is, I waited until the last line, closed my eyes, and heard the ocean in my living room.
Best,
Ronda