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Full of empty
Philippines
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Submitted by full of empty on 29 May 2008 - 7:32am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Am i not good enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake,
I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze,
I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.
Am I not good enough?
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
(1 vote)
full of empty...
This looks more like brain storming ideas for a poem.
Frost
Frost nailed it.
this really needs work. First stanza too many questions. Second stanza has the germ a form-
I this I that
I da dee da dee daa
I this I that
I da dee da dee daa
cheers,
Jess