Neopoet.com

makes me want to run, not stay for eternity.

Caps off please.

Sincerely,
Mark

MARK, PLEASE DON’T BE RUDE. IF YOU ARE A CHILD, LIKE THE PICTURE, THEN DO NOT READ MY POETRY. THIS IS THE VERY FIRST POEM THAT I WROTE IN MARCH 2008. ALSO, IT HAS BEEN ADVANCED TO THE SEMI-FINALS OF A POETRY CONTEST FOR CASH MONEY. IT IS ALSO BEING PUBLISHED IN A BOOK ENTITLED IMMORTAL VERSES IN THE SUMMER. THIS IS MY FIRST ATEMPT AT WRITING ANYTHING. ENGLISH WAS NOT MY SUBJECT IN HIGH SCHOOL. I WROTE THIS TO A MAN THAT I HAD RECENTLY MET AGAIN AFTER ABOUT ONE YEAR OF FIRST SEEING HIM. HE SAID IT MUST HAVE DESTINED THAT WE MET AGAIN. THAT IS WHERE THE TILE COMES FROM. I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND TRUE LOVE, AFTER BEING ALONE A LONG TIME. I AM 43 YEARS OLD. I HAVE ONE DAUGHTER, AND A NEW GRANDDAUGHTER GENEVIEVE. SHE WAS BORN MAY 1, 2008. NEXT TIME WHEN COMMENTING ON MY POEMS, PLEASE NOT SO HARSH. ALL OF MY POEMS ARE FROM MY HEART AND SOUL. I BELIEVE THAT LOVE CONQUERS ALL. THANK-YOU FOR READING MY POERTRY. ALSO, ALL CAPS IS EASIER TO TYPE AND TO EDIT FOR ME. JANICE HERZOG.

MARK, I DID ASK FOR THE RAW TRUTH, BUT I DON’T EXPECT BLATANT CRTIICISM. PLEASE DON’T READ ANY MORE OF MY POETRY. I’LL SEND YOU A COPY OF MY WINNING CHECK, AND A COPY OF IMMORTAL VERSES, THE BOOK THAT DESTINY WILL BE PUBLISHED IN. ALSO, THEY ARE PRINTING TWO MORE OF MY POEMS IN THE SAME BOOK. ANOTHER POEM TITLED MY BROKEN HEART IS ALSO BEING PUBLISHED IN ANOTHER BOOK CALLED FAMOUS POETS OF THE HEARTLAND, AND ALSO IS IN THE SEMI-FINALS FOR CASH MONEY. DON’T YOU WISH THAT YOU HAD REAL TALENT LIKE ME. SINCERELY, JANICE HERZOG

a simple waste of time.

Good luck!

Hmm… i don’t think this site is for you. Don’t ask for criticism and then state how you know so much better. It’s rude. At least you could say you can’t take criticism and NOT choose the box for the harsh truth.

I don’t think the caps work for this poem - your publisher in the anthology may disagree but I think if you want to expand your poetic ability you need to break away from the caps. If it is easy to edit that way - fine - by all means; however if you would like to be considered a serious poet you can not have all of your poetry in all caps. The publisher may have accepted it for this but that will not happen for all of them. I mean this is the most honest way possible but it makes it come off as harsher toned than you want and kind of like a ticked off 15 year old.

Also, you use We / be and me WAY too much. You can’t just rhyme a word with the same words over and over again. I would suggest either dropping the rhyme idea or just replacing them with different rhyming words.

Poetry is only half the words you use, the other half is how you present them.

I’m a cantankerous old man, so I make no excuses for anything I say or do.

The point here is one of presentation. Honestly, in all caps, I cannot read your work. It’s the same argument I give to people who insist in writing in all bold or all italics. I tell them as well that it is not fair to the reader. Poetry is art and art is communication and it is the responsibility of the poet to communicate to the reader. If your readers tell you something is not working, listen.

Me, I’ve been writing for nearly 40 years now. Some of what I write I feel is pretty good, some of what I write I feel is OK, and some of what I write sucks the varnish of a trailer hitch. I look for the people at Neopoet.com to help me improve my craft and style. I look for them to help me challenge “good enough” to become “great.” And I look for them to be brutally honest with me about my work.

I have no problem with people stepping on toes, hell, I do it all the time. Before I do so, however, I like to have an idea of why I’m doing such a thing. I’d ask that you make the same sort of considered decision.

Also, I’m uncertain as to why you posted “Destiny” twice, once on May 6 and the most recent one. I believe they are the same poem. A View of your profile will show only a few of your postings. You will need to click on the VIEW ALL WORK link to see everything you have posted.

Lastly, I would caution you on using on-line contests as a measure of success. They are, at best, a dubious source. Rather I would encourage you to seek out the comment and critique of other poets. Not just here but in any venue in which you are comfortable.

All of this is my personal opinion and should not be construed as anything else.

—Jonathan

Annoying the world, one person at a time

(Group discounts available)

your achievements here.
This is a poetry workshop.
Your work speaks

Jess

Unfortunately we are forced to deal with a side issue here rather than focusing on the work; the simple suggestion of turn off the caps was made; you retaliated as though someone had brutilized you, this just isn’t the case in my opinion, I believe that like all comments you can disregard or take heed but this sort of thing has no place here; apologize if you want, but remeber we all have room for improvement.

As far as online contest I have fallen prey to such a guise; international society of rip off artist, poetry.crap, and all the subsideries are money making scams that prey upon unsuspecting nieve newbies to extract the most money possible. The poem I wrote when I was fifteen wouldn’t have made it on this site let alone be worthy of winning any kind of contest or publication; yet I paid for a 900 page book with my poem in it along with all the other fools, I have since thrown it away in shame.

Do what you want

Frost

or probably not. I say to you truthfully, you have a strong poetic voice. If you choose to develop on your own, go for it. If you would like support from people who would like to help, and take nothing. There is a range of poets here in every range, style, ability, and some real baad too.

Give us another poem. But if you use caps, you better blooddy well make them work

cheers,
Jess

As with all other comments I think the over usage of caps distracted from the core of the poem, which was quite good. The caps made it seem an angry bitter poem about love, when the core of the meaning for me seemed one of hope in love and looking to what could be. Whilst the repitition of destiny, you and me, worked, it was overused, I felt that you were saying the same thing just in slight variations. But I enjoyed it it, I could feel you passion and faith in love in the poem.

Janice, this is a beautiful love poem. I have a few suggestions that might help you get a little better flow. Will send them PM-wise.
Lovely.
Rett

Actually, I had read this poem, but it was during a time when I was dealing with a matter that prevented me from commenting. My apologies.

This poem is better than a few others that I have read. Your rhyme is a bit stronger, but your rhythm and pacing are still off. To have a rhyme scheme is not enough (e.g. yours here is abb, abb in the first stanza, then you change to every last word rhyming through the end of the poem), you have to make the rhythm work as well. This means checking your syllabic count and checking your lines. It is fine to switch things up a bit, but your core scheme should still stand out.

Also, rhyme can also sound forced. The poet is backed into a corner by the necessity to find that one word that rhymes with the one above it. This can detract from the intent of the poem, the message that it is trying to deliver. Your rhyme does often sound this way.

As the novice that you call yourself, it is understandable that you believe all poetry should rhyme. It is also reasonable to assume that this is why you write in a very simple (and unfortunately not very unique - I’m sorry) method.

I think that you will improve. Keep writing and you will find your niche, whether it be rhyme or something else. If you choose rhyme, choose carefully to avoid that trap that steals the emotion from your words.

Best,
Ronda

I really did love this. I believe that love conquers all. Destiny and fate, I’m not sure of. Perhaps you could make me a believer.
I should stay out of the debate, but I can’t resist.
I am a maverick. I hate punctuation, althouugh sometimes feel it necessary.
I believe poetry rules are guidelines only. Yet, I must write for my audience.
Usually, I do my own thing until I get a majority of negative comments, then I feel obligated to change it. I do, after all, write for my audience. I have fallen in love with your poem, and view a sensitive soul on the other end. But most poets I know are also sensitive and would not go out of their way to hurt anyone. If love conquers all, I feel bound to love even my enemies, even though I must war with them. I fear I have said too much.
I would like to know you better.

grasshopper(Rich)

Dear Grashopper: Thank-you for reading Destiny. The others who first read it didn’t like it because I mistakenly submited it in all caps. I didn’t know better. Now, they are just jealosu because Destiny had over 100 hits when I did submit it. They’re just green with envy. Glad you liked it. Nice picture. Nice to have a new friend on neopoet. Much LOve, Janice Herzog xoxo

I think you need to learn some new words.
try a different style.
and learn to take criticism.
don’t check the raw truth box..
if you can’t handle it.

Janice and those leaving comments here, please remember, feedback is the goal of our messages; the poetry is what we discuss. Refrain from personal attacks on one another, keep it to the poem.

We do not threaten one another or degrade ourselves and other members with our words here. It is, quite simply, unacceptable. Please remember this when commenting on poetry and responding to comments.

Sincerely and respectfully
~ Ronda

I like the ideas behind your works,but I think you should just take time to listen to all suggestions offered here and make use of the ones that better your work,I believe that is the objective of Neopoets.we should restrain from going personal here,its like an ill wind that blows nobody no good.Thank you.