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Submitted by hardshaft on 7 May 2008 - 9:18pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
It seems when I turn around , this town only looks down,
This is one cheek that’s just tired of turning,
It’s always,
‘My broken home’
‘Got refused for that loan that would
Stop the hole my credit cards burning’
Rejoice in the choice you still have a voice
and when your taps on ,the water keeps flowing.
Your young, dumb and fun, and each time you cum,
It should be to conclusions…. not another mouth yearning.
(2 votes)
Not in my nature but.......T
Thought I would try one that’s not offending anyone!
Feedback
“Rejoice in the choice you still have a voice
and when your taps on ,the water keeps flowing.
Your young, dumb and fun, and each time you cum,
It should be to conclusions…. not another mouth yearning.”
These lines, especially the second and fourth, work very well.
The miss-spelling of “come”, last word on the third line? Is it intentional?
If so, it grates for me a bit.
The Title is a bit tricky to understand, for my brain that is, you might care to explain it?
Pleides
cum
As to ejaculate, its a play on the word ‘come’.
you should come to conclusions,
…not cum to ‘another mouth yearning’ (fathering another mouth you have no ability to care for).
maybe the title should just be’Responsibility’ but my bad language always wants to say M*ther F***er when I’m annoyed!
Hope that helped a bit.
Hi Hardshaft..
Responsibility is something that the most of us have to
learn the hard way.. nice poeming..
welcome to the site…
Richard
Richard
Thanks.