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Full of empty
Philippines
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Submitted by full of empty on 5 May 2008 - 5:24pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn’t I, Didn’t I tell you.
But I can’t spell it out for you,
No it’s never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we’d be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we’d never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
Smiles:) Barbara Crashing
Smiles:)
Barbara
Crashing down on in. not clear to me.
too repetitious .
nice poem but needs some more work to make it come alive