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Submitted by andrew on 20 January 2007 - 12:21am.
This isn’t so much a poem - it’s the description for this forum. But I don’t think I did a very good job. Here it is:
"Post a poem at your own risk for the consumption of our critics. It may be broken open, searched, mixed with volatile chemicals, and blown up at the back of terminal four, but we hope the result is a better poem and a better poet. Perhaps not for the faint hearted."
The challenge is to come up with something better. The winner gets … 25 points.
And let me know if I’ve completely missed the mark with this workshop format. What did I do wrong?
Here is my first enty into the Poetic Goat Roping Critique Rodeo
(moved to http://www.poet411.com/node/95 - Ed.)
A fat one might :-)
What would you like lol
When I first started reading this I was almost turned away because incense can be sweet or, well like fish rock - the stuff they burn in churches for celebrations like Christmas and Easter. That incense is divine but it’s odor turns me as dead fish. So I had to wonder where I was going to go with the incense, lilac or the swamp. I decided that lilac may be in store for me so I read on. Thanks for the education on "visage" nice rhythm - pretty. The first line of the second stanza fell deep for me, although I know it, I could only understand it on a vague or very deep level. You may want to try another word for proxy. You need to edit "You" in the third line second stanza to "Your". On the poetry - It does not surprise me that it did not work out. It seems that in life when we become that close to another and lose our identity it does not work out. Would you want to look in a mirror all the time? I enjoyed your work very much and the subject line is about taking a long and hopefully healthy reprieve from such a relationship - I understand what it is like to die in a pile of manure then struggle back to a life - bad incense like stinking fish. I suppose the title might also possibly be Flattering In Demise (something like that)
Thanks
Mark
"There will always be someone who does not like your decision"
Your Welcome to all my posts.
I have submitted most of my poetry already. Every single one of them I have posted on the website or even my comments are welcome to be critiqued to the highest degree. I do not want someone saying "Good Job Robert" If they don’t mean it. How else is my muse to mature? So go ahead rip em apart if you want to… But expect nothing more or less from me. Muahahahaha.